Posted by
2spothipshot on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 10:41:25 PM
Today, in what is being hailed as a bold and courageous move by everyone from Wolf Blitzer to Al Jazeera, John Kerry launched a full frontal assault on the American Fighting Man. "It's about time somebody stood up for the 'Politics of National Destruction' (PND) and I'm just the frenchman to do it !" said "The Man from Soap", as he has come to be known here by his filthy native neighbors. "I speak for every hairdresser and every pasty faced waiter with an attitude who is sick and tired of all these macho guys going around 'freeing' people, 'liberating nations', shaving more than once a month etc." the unofficial lifetime "Mayor" and holder of the key to the city of Hanoi said in an exaggeratingly insipid tone to the approving audience. "And another thing. Why do these guys go around holding it in ? Even when I see them on a talk show, they're not talking about themselves ! Who do they think they are !?! Mousyfoo shwine ! I didn't even lose a drop of blood and these posers act is if they aren't BURSTING to tell everyone of there silly little attempts at glory for losing limbs and such! I missed 2 years of primo powder in these wonderfully whiny alps while I served in the, how do you say, 'are-mid forces' !!!"
After the audience was finished with their standing "Oh ho hoO!!!" the horsefaced do-nothing laid into a series of jokes about the current administration. "A republican walks into a cafe in the middle of 'bordeau season' and orders a chablis !" The patrons of "che'IamARoid Cafe" puffed their cigarettes in unison as a sign of approval. Clapping is no more, in this land of the chique, as it is seen as passe and the behavior of the gauche.
Later on in the evening, to prove his narcissistic bonafides, Mr. Kerry "made love" to himself and declared himself to be the most fantastic lover he had ever been with. Many in the crowd were heard to say they could never admire another man as much as they did Mr. Kerry, if they lived for a thousand years. So they commisioned a thousand cooks to create "The Ultimate Souffle", which they would use to commit "The Ultimate Suicide". Bravo Missyewer Kerry ! Bravo !
He will be loved here by everyone. Until that suffle's done anyway.